05

    Haven't tried this just but sharing because it looks yummy. Recipes that I haven't personally tried will look like this vs ones I have made will be a post I make via canva! Probably will start posting more baking recipes! Have been in a baking mood so maybe this will encourage me(:

-Salted Caramel Swirl Brownies-

⊹ ࣪ ˖ཐི༏ཋྀ󠀮˖ ࣪⊹

Ingredients :

Brownie Batter

• 1 cup of unsalted butter -> melted 
• 2 cups granulated sugar 
• 4 large eggs 
• 2 tsp vanilla extract 
• 2/3 cup of unsweetened cocoa powder 
• 1 cup all purpose flour 
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp baking powder 

Salted Caramel Swirl:

• 1 cup store-bought salted caramel sauce (thick) 

Directions

• Preheat oven to 350°F & line a 9x9 pan with parchment paper

Making the brownie batter: 

• In a large bowl whisk the melted butter and sugar until fully combined 
• Add eggs and vanilla-> whisk vigorously for 1-2 until smooth & slightly thickened 
• Sift in the cocoa powder, flour, salt, and baking powder. Fold with a spatula until combined 

Assembly: 

• Spread about two-thirds of the brownie batter into the pan
• Dollop about 1/2 cup of the caramel sauce over the batter 
• Place in the remaining brownie batter in dollops over the caramel. Spread gently to mostly cover 
• Dollop the remaining 1/2 cup caramel sauce on the top. Take a skewer or knife and swirl through the pan

Bake: 

• Bake for 30-35 minutes 
• Let cook completely & enjoy:))! 

SOS

 Hey Angels! 

    I know this isn't typically something I post but if there was ever a time I need your guys help it would be now lol. 

    So for class we're doing a research paper on former students who were in ESL/ELL ( english as a secondary language / english language learners). What this is basically in short words is if you were ever pulled out of class or placed somewhere else to practice or learn English during your k-12 school years. Primarily my group is focusing on how the students felt during their time in this program so angels if you guys were in this sort of program or know of someone who has could you guys please share/ take the survey? It would be greatly appreciated! 

Link: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeEmD7oXFnRsF_Q0pgJDPAghFnJ6Go2yUZDd4lQSfqQRM-g6g/viewform 

With Love, 

Mayrin

Literally Wth

Dear Angels,

          So it totally feels like the universe is against me or maybe trying to tell me something. If you guys remember my last post and how the past Sunday was like this is basically an update from that? As I said I did stray away and try to recollect myself. I even went out to Universal Studios (Hollywood) and had a good time and everything. Halloween was a total bust though because I ended up super sick so my angel costume? Yeah it never made it out the house. That same day I did end my friendship with the guy "friend" (let's name him G)  who I had been with from last Sunday. I feel okay? It wasn't so bad but he had made it seem like I was the problem the entire night. So that was basically my final streak? And just said it would be best for us not to be friends wished him well and all. He never responded back so whatever. I went out to dinner tonight though with the friend from last week who's ex we ran into (we'll call her Amy). Things were well we just updated each other and asked how we were and then thats when she brought up G and how she was there when I unfriended him. He basically had said that I was talking shit and whatever about the two of them to my current bestfriend (who we'll call Rosie). Which was totally untrue?? Anyways so G had said that Rosie sought him out and was telling him everything about the past Sunday and how I was running my mouth and all. When Rosie told me the complete opposite so both me and Amy were now confused. Then Amy had said that G said Rosie knew I was too much and that she sometimes doesn't think she wants to be friends with me anymore. When I tell you guys that I lost my appetite right there in the moment but I defended her saying she wouldn't say that. So did Amy she defended that against G especially because we we're (Rosie and I)  just out at Universal together and have been out pretty often so it didn't make sense to us. Only for it had been true.. I texted Rosie what was being said you know trying to figure out what exactly what was being said because I was now confused my bestfriend saying that about me? No way! Well turns out it was true lol. She said that she made that comment last year and had been pushing it down but no longer feels that way. My heart I don't know felt like it genuinely broke? I mean she's not the first to say that sort of thing but having to hear it come from someone else? I don't know what to feel or say really she has apologized for not telling me and going to G about it. I'm unsure on how to even go about it just told her I need time for now so we'll see how things go moving forward.

                    I think without wanting to believe B.A. (boy A for those who don't know is my bestfriend since middle school and now the person I'm talking romantically with)  he had a reason to believe well tell me that I needed better friends. I guess I didn't want to believe him nor did I ever really asked why he would say that. His reasoning has always been that he "sees" how they are towards me. It's just crazy I guess I've basically lost three friends back to back (Rosie isn't one of the three I'm not sure where to go with that) and now with these last few days and those situations? Is the universe trying to get me to loose all my friends? Am I supposed to be learning something from this? Who knows.

                On the other hand the instagram account I created for this blog is now officially public! ^-^ And I have made my first post! The user is @n1ryam. So if you'll like to follow you're welcome too! It'll mostly be a photo dump page or maybe I'll talk about this blog on there. Haven't decided just yet what to do. So if you have any ideas let me know! 

              I don't think I have much to say anymore my emotions are definitely all over the place but I think I'll be okay. So with that goodnight angels! Stay safe and stay hydrated as always! 

- Mayrin

Low Tide

Dear Angels, 

             Mental health. I don't believe that's something we have actually talked about on this page but after this past weekend I think we may need too. I'm not exactly sure what happened that I basically exploded. By exploded I mean have a complete break down that I would just not stop crying. Saturday had been completely fine you know just my typically day of going to the store and do some grocery shopping then Sunday came around. What was supposed to be a fun day turned to a day where I felt humiliated, claustrophobic, and the same way I felt as a little girl just waiting for the worst to happen. I had plans with some friends to go out to the next city for a Día de los Muertos festival but the day had started with me stressing over my school work. My assignment is that I have to do a research paper based on child development but interviewing someone. Which I had almost practically finished until I got to the part where I needed to use the book assigned for some terms to be defined in order to connect it to the paper. UGH ONLY FOR THE BOOK TO BE REMOVED FROM MY FILES!!!  I emailed the professor and everyone I could think of that could help me only to be told that it seemed like I was opted out of the class?? Which hello I'm not?? So that stress started settling in. I had already texted my friends that I didn't want to go. But she showed up to my house. Saying she wanted me to also go because she was nervous about seeing her ex (he doesn't live too far from the event) and being seen with our guy friend and it seeming like something it wasn't. I know I shouldn't have gave in but I felt like I had no choice? 

                I was okay at least I assumed I was okay even when picking up our friend in order to head to the next city. I wasn't really talking but then again I don't really talk with this group of friends. Which is weird in a sense for me? I may be introverted but if you know me you know once I begin talking and I'm comfortable I do not shut up.  As we got there and were starting to walk around I was trying to put my phone into the front pocket of my skirt. But guess what? MY SKIRT WAS COMPLETELY RIPPED! And I'm not talking about a small rip I'm talking a huge rip starting from the left side of my zipper practically half way down my skirt! As soon as I realized I had let my friends know that I wanted to find a place for me to find some pants or shorts just anything you know? There was basically nothing. My shirt was somewhat long so it did cover it for the most part. I even had my sweater so I was using that as well to cover it. But I just felt so embarrassed the entire time walking around. It was heavily packed as well. Me and crowds? Yeah no we don't mix at all. I think thats when my anxiety started settling in but I kept trying to push those feelings away and be okay. I was supposed to be having fun wasn't I? As we kept walking around I started feeling slightly claustrophobic so I started walking off to find an emptier spot just anything so I can get some air. I was tired and anxious and nothing was helping. Then we ran into her ex.. 

                I don't mind when people hold my arm but when I'm already feeling super out of it and not fully there and they decide to start squeezing me to start hurrying up without letting me know what was actually happening? Yeah no I'm definitely going to feel some way and want you off of me. When we reached the end of the path we turned back to look through the other stands. Then the pulling happened. Again as I said I was trying to get out of the crowds, to find an easier way to navigate through the walkway so I had no idea we were crossing or that I was walking towards where her ex was at. That was until our guy friend had pulled my arm back so hard I felt like I was going to fall down. I don't like when people grab all of sudden well I don't like people touching me in general unless I gave or give the okay for it. So once we were away from the ex in a semi non crowded area all I heard was me getting yelled saying why would I go towards the ex why wasn't I paying attention. I don't know what it was but I started yelling back but my voice was cracking. No matter how hard I tried to defend myself I started feeling like I was helpless because said friend who's ex it was wasn't even saying anything just watching s the two of were going at it. Eventually after maybe another hour that's when we started to leave. Once in the car my hands were completely shaky and I just broke down. Everything just felt like it was spinning and nothing made sense. Dinner was quiet I was basically ignored by other said friend. Not that I cared in the moment I just acted like they weren't even there. Then finally home I completely broke down once again and I didn't stop. I haven't cried so hard in so long and then the worst happened I let every negative thought consume not that I wanted too but I felt the loneliest I ever had. that night. 

                 The last few days I've been trying to collect myself and not let those thoughts invade my mind. Maybe I haven't allowed myself the last few months to actually feel any negative emotion. I been sucking it up just being the bubbly happy going friend. Yet it doesn't feel like I can be that right now not for a while maybe..  I think being that friend and being the one to always be there for others has felt like I'm not allowed to be upset. But then again depression has always been part of me so has anxiety. I mean I got diagnosed at 12 with these things and I thought I had been getting better. The moments like Sunday though? The way I completely broke? I don't get it. How something could've made me feel the way I do. Going forward these next few days I decided I'll be stepping back from those two "friends".  I need to take care of me at least to the best of my abilities. I still don't feel all that great. My mental health may not be the greatest at the moment but I'm definitely going to try to stay out of that dark place. So angels please whenever you know in your gut and heart that you're not doing okay or know that you can't go somewhere for your own well being please listen to your body! As always despite my current mental state my DMs and google forms are always open! Stay safe and stay hydrated! 

- Mayrin              

Bits & Pieces

 Hey Angels! 

         I'm a bit brain fried and have no clue on what to actually write about. So I guess this will be another random yap session ! 

    ✨Recap on the last few days✨

                Totally feeling better after my migraine but I did wake up the next day with that post headache feeling?? Has anyone else ever woken up still feeling all achy after a migraine? It doesn't always happen to me. But safe to say that the medication they prescribed did work but I'm iffy on the side effects that I felt and may possibly feel the next time I may need to take one for my migraines... think the experiences I saw of others may have spooked me a tadddd bit😶. OH I did also get prescribed some vitamins to help prevent them a work in progress is what they are. So I'll keep you guys updated if those are actually working or not.

            School so far is going okay for the most part at least. I finished two finals which I semi feel good on. I say semi because my CDV one definitely took me a lot longer to finish than what I was expecting. I think I did good though? Got maybe three wrong just waiting for the written response to be graded. As for my English class thats what I'm iffy about I know what I'm doing in that class but it sometimes gets really confusing especially the group work because I have some members who don't talk so the group part of our assignments don't always get fully completed until like the day its due. So all I'm hoping is for that eventually that gets situated soon. 

            Some of you have left your instagrams in the google form I have set up so I think I'm finally going to use the instagram I created a while ago. I wasn't sure what I wanted to use it for per say. Originally I thought maybe a digital junk journal? Something separate from the other two I have my friends and family on. I don't really have any other ideas for it so I think that's what I'll do just bits and pieces of my day/ life? Because I do want this blog to be private from friends and family I think I'll keep my face off that page in the meantime! I'm still debating whether it'll be private or public account but here it is! So follow if you'd like too! I'll post their soon..maybe lol. 

            Lately I've been watching the secret circle on youtube. May have started solely for the purpose of Phoebe Tonkin. So far I'm on episode 15 & its been pretty interesting so far. Totally unfair that they killed off Nick so soon he had some potential for sure. AND UGH him and Melissa? Hated the start of them but they had grown on me. I've also been rewatching majority of kathniel (Kathryn Bernardo & Daniel Padilla) movies. It's definitely been different rewatching them now that they aren't together anymore but they sure did know how to make romance movies🫠.  I don't have much to say anymore at least I don't think? Soo guess that's all for now. Stay hydrated and stay safe angels! 

-Mayrin

Migraines Why Do They Even Exist?!

 

Good Morning Angels!

            So it's currently the morning after experiencing a migraine. Well at least the start of one. I finally went to the doctors after dealing with said migraines the last couple of months on a weekly basis and got something prescribed believe its called sumatriptan? Lowkey I was afraid to take them because I made the mistake of looking it up on tiktok and what did I get? Everyone's bad experience!! So I literally sat on my bed for a while debating to even take it (a mistake it was getting worse). Eventually I did and I did experience some side effects people mentioned so I didn't really like that? My body felt all hot and my lips went numb?? I felt really mellowed out honestly. I don't even remember falling asleep either but I'm grateful for that part because sleeping with a migraine?? Yeah no zero stars don't recommend.    

                  What weirds me out a bit is that I didn't even feel myself getting this migraine. I normally have some sort of feeling as to when or how quick I'll get it. Example my neck will feel really stiff and I'll feel super tired or I'll be dizzy and the lights will start bothering me and then thats when I feel the pain above my eyebrow. But yesterday? Nothing? Then again yesterday was just super hectic. Working with preschool definitely isn't the easiest but yesterday's shift was a whole different level and on top of that finding out my mom got hurt at work? My anxiety was completely through the roof and not being able to leave as early from work didn't help either. I did end up getting an anxiety attack later on in the day so maybe that's why I didn't notice my migraine creep up on me? I do have work again today so I'm hoping the kids aren't too hectic but it's also friday🫠... So here's to hoping todays a better day because I sure do feel better! That's all for now maybe I'll post again later today. Stay hydrated and stay safe angels!!

-Mayrin

Comfort Isn't Always A Trap

 Dear Angels, 
            So I think I'm starting to actually realize that I may be in love with B.A. (aka boy A). I use to think I was or at least when I talk with my friends and tell them that I am but lately my feelings have changed? Not as in I'm loosing them for him but they're developing further? 

            I was told by an ex friend (stopped being friends just about a month ago) that my feelings were simply comfort. That because I was comfortable with B.A. and how long we had known each other that my feelings were simply that and I think at some point I started to believe them because in their eyes what was going on between me and B.A. didn't seem to be all that real. I mean they were still supportive of us but it was comments like that which made me question so much when I knew deep down it wasn't like that.

             In a way it seemed like they were maybe trying to make me view things their way? Which I can understand. But they would talk so much about what they did for their partners / who they were chasing after and experienced and were saying how it didn't seem like I was going in that direction that I was just stuck in one place and wouldn't move any further with B.A. We all have different perspectives on love and I knew mines and B.A. didn't have to be loud the way others may have it. I knew deep down that because we've known each other since we were 11/12  (he's a few months older so I had just turned 11 and he was going to turn 12) years old that our dynamic isn't the loud and dramatic way we've always been on the quieter side and showing each other we cared for one another in our way even it's quiet we both know to what extent what and how we actually feel for one another. So why? Why was I doubting his and mines feelings because of a friends input?
           Maybe I should start with a bit of backstory about us and how we've always been with one another? So let me get into it lol. We met in 6th grade, I've always been the quieter introvert whereas he's always been the out going extrovert. Opposites is what we are in literally everything. We had become friends due to him continuously wanting to speak to me. Like I mean he would not give up until I did and that may sound annoying or strange on his part but I never gave it a chance at first I spoke to everyone in class but him actually. I'm not sure why I was friendly to everyone but I think it weirded me out how much he wanted to speak to me? I mean yes I made friends easily but never one that actually was persistent about it. Eventually I did end up letting him but that was due because of him talking so much our teachers sat him next to me which turned into him being my partner for every class discussion, project, etc. So once we started talking that whole trope of sitting the talkative guy next to the quiet girl did not work out for teachers because we started talking there was no shutting up that we literally had to be separated😬. It continued from there always ending up in the same classes, choosing each other as partners, eating lunch together, and walking around campus together. We were inseparable to this day actually. Obviously except for the three years we didn't speak to one another. I mean it would've eventually happened you know me catching feelings? Now fast forward to where we are now. I know I've always had feelings for him but looking at it now from a perspective of actual romance it's different opposed to how I felt when we were kids.
            He's never been quiet well at showing affection so I guess thats why said friend assumed things weren't exactly going well. But to me well I know that he was and still is trying really hard to this day to show that. He's just more of an action forward than words. He's always protected me since we were kids. Used to tell me that he would one day take me away from home because he disliked how bad things were for me. Now whether that was just something he said to make me feel better or he actually did mean it, it was moments like that which made me feel like he did care for me. He gives in when I'm upset he'll try to comfort me as much as he possibly can. I want to try something new ? He makes it happen whether thats trying a new food spot or a new hang out location. I want to get my face painted with him? He's right there sitting with me getting his painted as well. I don't feel safe and want to go home? He's a call away. He's made sure I always knew that he would be there for me no matter what. As of lately we're getting to know each other in a new light which has been great we started off as friends so having that foundation has really helped because we don't have to build that trust up from scratch. Now we're just learning how we are as adults. What's happening between us isn't just nostalgia like others have made it out to be. It's a choice. There is romance between us, maybe not the way others may want it to look like but for us it is everything because we know how we want things to go neither of us want to mess up so we're taking our time as much as we can. I mean I still am experiencing romantic/cute gestures from him. 

            Examples to name a few at least:

• Receiving flowers 
• Stargazing/ pointing any constellations for me
• Listening to oldies while talking about life
• Him linking our arms when we're in a crowded place (I get super claustrophobic) 
• When picking me up from school immediately asks me how class/ is interested in what I learned 

         He's the person who's been my anchor my entire life, from when we were kids to me getting sick to getting my transplant surgery and to the heartbreaks I've had. He's my safe place. Whether we are comfortable it doesn't mean we're stuck we're moving at our pace. For once things truly feel real. I have someone actually demonstrating that they want me and only me that I am worth it and that's really all I ever wanted. The fact that it just happened to be someone I've known my whole life just makes those feelings and moments with him so much more worth it. 

            I may have thought I was in love with him from the gecko but now actually seeing how we are now I think I am angels. I think I am falling for him so much deeper than I would've imagined and that's a bit terrifying for me. Not in a way that I don't want it to happen but in a way that I don't know how to go about it. Normally I start ghosting someone when I even feel an ounce of feelings but I can't do that with him. I don't feel the need to run away or hide my feelings. I want to show him what I feel to make sure that he understands and knows that I don't plan on turning away. So is that love? To feel a sense of safety? To want someone so bad that you can't picture things going any other way? To know that they feel just the same? I think I'm okay with feeling a little scared though because to me it means that I am willing to try and work things out. I'm happy and I think thats all that really matters

            I think that's all for now angels but I'll talk to you guys soon!! Stay hydrated and stay safe as always🤍✨🪽

- Mayrin

🎬 02; 🥧🪒

 

Hey Angels!,

                So for today's movie review Sweeney Todd was recommended for a new October watch. What I wasn't expecting it to be was a musical!! Nobody warned me lol I don't typically watch musicals (so if you have some recs comment / send them my way!!) so it caught me off guard when they started singing. Moving on besides it being a musical it was actually a good movie. BUT BOY DO I HAVE QUESTIONS!!

                The blood completely caught me off guard with how fountain like it was?? Like it was just squirting out😭 and how it was mainly the only color we actually see besides when it cued to Mrs. Lovett and her fantasy of the life she wanted with Mr. Todd. Which hello also brings another question how is it that she actually knows him? Did I miss when it showed crossing one another before he was imprisoned?? Though she was obsessed with Mr. Todd I loved the dynamic between her and toby and wish we could've seen more of them together. It was so heartwarming when he came in singing talking about nothing would harm her as long as he was around and then just for her to lock him down in the bake room?? UGHHH SUCH A BETRAYALLL.!! Did find a bit funny when I realized that majority of the characters Mr. Todd was killing ended up being cast from Harry Potter😭!

                    Lucy being killed was not what I was expecting. I couldn't believe that she had actually been alive the entire time and hellooo why was she was the only one suspicious of the smoke coming from the shop? Did no one find it strange how the worst pies in London all of sudden became the best pies in London? I sure would've... possibly😬. I was devastated when Mr. Todd didn't actually get to reunite with his daughter and the way he was literally about to kill her not realizing it was her?? I do wonder how her life and Anthony's ended up as. Or what happened to Toby after he killed Mr. Todd. So many questions unanswered😩. That's all for now though:)! Drop anything you guys think I should watch next!

Rating; 5/5! definitely kept me on my toes and intrigued 

-Mayrin

Fall Is Finally Here!

 

    Hey Angels!, 

       So new tab alert! For here I plan to be posting about things I would like to hopefully eventually get in the future but for now are on my wishlist! Okiee so for this specific wish list I'll be talking about some of my fall wants. Let's start with hats I'm not sure exactly what they're called but I keep seeing different names for them but I know I worn similar ones back when I was a kid. Would totally steal them from my sister though..  I feel as if these are a perfect accessory! So hopefully I can eventually find one that fits my everyday outfits. I've been into skirts as of lately but I have been wanting a nice jean skirt that actually fits me GOOD🫠 I did recently buy one but it sits on my body so weird? Like it's too baggy at the top but even if I adjust it, it feels awkward on me maybe a different size would've helped because there is a lot of gapping as well in the back. Flared jeans or boot cuts are my total fav but I have been wanting more of a different wash in color? OR! I've seen some with embroidery designs now I know that may not be easy to find especially for a decent price so maybeee I'll attempt to DIY those! Maybe coming soon?? Will need to reteach myself how to do that though. A leather jacket or jean jacket have been on my list for agess I just don't feel like I see them enough anymore? Or if I do they're not that great of quality or a reasonable price🫠. As for the shirt I remember seeing something similar in store one time but I did not have enough on me to actually purchase it so definitely a regret on my end for having have spent on other items😣. Bags okiee I NEED THESEE ugh I've been wanting a Coach bag for the longest time I haven't decided on which in particular but this one has my eyes for sure. As for the chunky ones I love a good chunky everyday bag but no longer have one so I'm on the hunt for a new one, if you have any recommendations please let me know!! Shoe and boots wise I've been wanting to expand my taste in shoes in general I've always worn converses since I was little and recently started wearing some flats and boots so I guess I'm trying to expand into a girlier aspect? Those two are currently what I want to lean into! UGH jewelry!! I love to accessorize! So chunky rings, bangles, and necklaces give me all of them! I have a few in collection right now but for sure want to branch out and get more. OH! what I didn't add are belts I definitely want to get more belts so I can also use them to accessorize. 

Sweet 50᭪༊

       Hey Angels!, 

          Just wanted to come on here and say a million thank yous to everyone who has followed! I know fifty isn't a huge number but it definitely means a lot to me! When I first started I didn't think I would keep up with the page or be as motivated as I have been but that's all thanks to you guys!! I also didn't think so many of you would actually follow or interact so it means so much that you guys! Thank you to everyone who has been giving me advice and helped me with the flow of things! I love that we all come together as a community to help one another! As always stay hydrated and stay safe angels!

-Mayrin

 

Falling Back Into Grandview👻

      Hey Angels !, 

            It's officially October aka my favorite month of the year and as you can guess Halloween is my all time favorite holiday! So keep a look out or run away... I may be posting more than usual lol! Like today's title and show poster I am currently rewatching one of my favorites  ˗ˏˋ Ghost Whisperer ˎˊ˗ I feel as if this show it totally perfect for spooky season. Though at least to me yes it gets a tad bit tooo creepy but that's totally what keeps you intrigued. UHH but I'll never forgive the writers for killing of Andrea!! Don't get me wrong Delia is cool and all but I feel as if she was never truly a friend to Melinda the way Andrea was. I won't say more incase some of you guys haven't watched it but definitely give it a shot a total 10/10 in my book! OH! and Melinda's wardrobe TO DIE FOR!! Literally my inspo as to what I would like to one day dress like. When I think of fall she's who I feel embodies that perfectly.

            Now this isn't the only show I'll be rewatching might be basic but the others are; 

• The Vampire Diaries
• Pretty Little Liars
• Gossip Girl
• Charmed
• Gilmore Girls
• One Tree Hill
• Buffy The Vampire Slayer

        As for movies they'll definitely be halloween related haven't come up with a list just yet though. If you guys have any recommendations please feel free to let me know! Whether it be movies, shows, or even books!:)           

                       - Mayrin                                                        

More Than Just A Body

    Hey Angels ᥫ᭡️!, 

            With today's post we'll be getting personal. Before we get into it because I do want this space to be a place of safety and comfort I would like to say trigger warning if you're not comfortable with the topic of sex or SA please refrain from reading any forward!  I recently came across someone's blog expressing their values, views, and sense of feeling behind about not yet losing their virginity. Their post really hit home and I was able to resonate with them because it is exactly how I felt before losing mines. So I thought maybe I could share my thoughts on it/ story so please take anything I say with a grain of salt or as advice. I'm just here to share and give advice if needed! 

                While reading it made me realize that there's this pressure, a silent pressure when it comes to ones virginity especially in high school. It basically becomes a race to something we don't even know that we're in. This is a time at least to me where I notice everyone starts to lose their virginity that it becomes the talk of the school. Always hearing stories via friends or classmates, having people ask me why haven't I lost it, or even being questioned if I already had lost it because I didn't seem like a virgin whatever that means?? It felt like I needed to hurry up and get it over with when reading the post on the apart of feeling behind it hit close to home. I also have always felt behind but that's also may be because I was but also wasn't trying to necessarily lose it? To me sex at first well I don't know actually I never really ever thought about it growing up? I didn't have the talk with my parents I was just told to keep my legs closed and not end up pregnant because boys only wanted one thing and that I needed to be smarter. So I didn't have anything to actually put a thought to it? 

                Won't go into details but growing up I was SA by two people that are to considered to be "family" so because of this I felt as if this was the only way I would be "loved". So whenever I spoke to someone in romantic manner and sex was brought up I guessed I deemed it normal? But deep down I guess I knew it wasn't? I hated the nudity pictures I would get and hated it even more when they would ask because it wasn't even months in it was always right away like I'm talking a few days a week max in. But it was all I knew, that was it okay that this is what "love" was. There was once a time that I could've lost it during high school now I'm not exactly sure what may have been going on during their life but my boundaries were definitely crossed I expressed I didn't want too yet I know I shouldn't have but at the time because we were friends I allowed it? But when it was coming close to the time of us doing it I completely broke down and the look on their face it was like they no longer wanted me? We're no longer in contact we actually stopped talking right after well more so like they avoided me even if we were in the same classes... In that moment I decided I wouldn't try again that I didn't want anyone ever giving me that look ever again so like in the post I wrote " Sorry To All The Guys I Ghosted"  says once anyone ever brought the topic of sex up or even tried being touchy or anything really I ghosted them because I just couldn't handle that nor wanted to feel used ever again. 

                I didn't lose it in high school but just recently I lost it three months ago before my birthday and it was a good experience actually. I won't lie and say I didn't hesitate I did but they made me feel safe something I hadn't felt with anyone else. The moment just all of it was actually special you know? He made me feel loved and truly cared for. He didn't let me feel uncomfortable if I seemed like if even was he would stop and make sure I'm doing okay and wouldn't continue unless I was completely sure of it. It wasn't rushed which is what I liked because it didn't feel like it was going to be a done and over thing. Once it was over I still felt that love. The after care was something I guess is what I wasn't expecting because of previous experiences? Again like I said my ideology was that this was the only way I would be loved but he didn't let me believe that. To this day he makes sure that I know that I'm so much more than just my body. So when people say waiting for the right time and person is worth it trust and believe that it actually is!

            If you're reading this and you feel as if you're being pressured into "getting it over with" or that you're behind because you're choosing to wait please remember that your boundaries are to always be respected. You're in the right path regardless on what you choose to do with your body. And I whole heartedly hope you all meet someone who does make you feel safe, loved, and valued. If you guys would like to ever talk one on one for any advice or just overall talk I'm always here! We can always chat over comments, via social media, or the google form I have posted up which is anonymous if you aren't comfortable with sharing your names! Stay safe and hydrated angels!

                                             -Mayrin

Just A Random Yap

Hey Angels!,
By the time I post this I'll be home in bed and in comfy my pjs [🥰] or it'll be the next day ... buttt I'm currently waiting for my last class of the day to begin and to get out of this current class so I can head home. I dread having late classes especially when I literally have to race out of class and building in order to catch the last bus home🫠. Class is boring at the moment so in the mean time I'll just yap about anything that comes to mind!
For starters I've had a few of you have asked to be mutuals which I'm totally down! I do have my socials that I specifically made for this blog linked so if you guys want to shoot me a DM anytime, I'm always down to get to know you guys! I also went ahead and added a google form underneath that link. If you would like to chat over email or share your guys socials so we can be moots please feel free to send! I'll check as frequently as I possibly can and respond!
Today's been meh I haven't really done much but be at school. Showed up early so I can do a bit of studying and grab some dinner before my final class. Todays choice; Subway! What did I get? Not my usual actually while waiting in line I over heard someones order and it sounded yummy... SO it was 6 inch Italian Herbs & Cheese bread with turkey and salami toasted with some american cheese! Dressings; light mayo & honey mustard Veggies: {again guys I'm a picky eater so bare with me} lettuce, spinach, green peppers, cucumbers, red onion & avocado with salt and pepper to top it off! And of course some chips and a beverage. It was in fact super yummy but a little messy with the dressings think they might have added too much of it.

I did get some studying done OH I also ended up seeing an old coworker! It was nice catching up with her and we've agreed to become study buddies especially on my days where I'm stuck on campus until basically 10pm. So that definitely will be a nice change from my normal days but moving on it's now the 5th week of school.. honestly things have been hectic but manageable just a TON of papers to write that my brain feels so FRIED and midterms are nearing so I really got to get it together and OMGOSH I have to do some data collecting!! It's one of my favorite things to do but I'm not entirely sure on how I'm going to go about it this time there's so many options. Though one is a group assignments so we all have to agree on how we'll go about it so there was a bunch of ideas we bounced through but not one was landed on for us to go ahead and move forward so that's our current dilemma and on top of that we were missing some group members. So I'm not sure how that's going to go but my other classes I definitely do have some ideas on how I'll go about it. Life has been a bit questionable lately. Let's see uhm I lost two friendships this month. I'm not entirely sure how to feel about it? I was super close to them both which is what gets me down because at the end of it I never truly found out the cause to our friendship ending. But I've to terms with it though it bugs me that I'll never know why but what can I do right? That aside my friendships that I still do have are very much dear to me. More plans are being planned especially now that fall is now officially here! Pumpkin patch, haunted hayrides, apple picking, etcc I LOVEEE IT ALL but I'm especially hoping that I'm able to do some fall activities with boy A this year the way we did last year or do even more fall activities. I should probably get back to paying attention to class... That's all for now! Stay hydrated , stay safe and stay marvelous

-Mayrin

Magazine 01

Tonight's Movie... Drum Roll Please🥁

 

Hey Angels! 

                So I haven't watched a Rom Com in a fat minute which is crazy this is literally my favorite genre! There's not much going on this Sunday night just did some homework for class and had dinner so I became bored and decided I wanted to watch something but nothing I've already seen before don't know I've been in a watching slump so just been rewatching things I've seen already. I started browsing on Prime and came across Moonstruck it is in fact my first time watching this movie sooo let's get into it! :) Cher obviously caught my attention and why I originally chose it. I'm not sure what I was expecting from this but all the twists and turns it took captivated me. Like hello what do you mean the father was cheating?? Then Loretta sleeping with Ronny while being engaged to Johnny? 😭but Ronny YEAH that is one fine man🥴. The vibe of it all was great I loved the scene of Loretta getting ready for the opera her outfit? makeup? hair? CHEF KISS she just looked so amazing. OMGoshh the opera scene where Loretta and her father catch each other?? I was so hoping they would actually catch each other though I was expecting more of a dramatic scene. I also wasn't expecting it to end the way it did but Johnny longer wanting to get married to her so Ronny took over?? Stunned and her family just accepting???Not much else to say though but it was a good movie to end the night!

Rating: 3.5/5 

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Sorry To All The Guys I Ghosted

Hey Angels ,

    This post is gonna be somewhat of a personal insight into my love life so bare with me it's gonna be a long post...(｡﹏｡")
     

My Take On These Trends

 

An Uninvited Guest

 

Hey angels!

Filing A Complaint Against My Hair

   My entire life I could've sworn my hair was just frizzy? Frizzy straight? It wasn't until my second year of college after I had stopped dying and cutting my hair after so long that I "discovered" I had wavy?? hair. I showered and I typically just blow dry it right after then just straighten it but I decided not to one day and BAM as my hair was drying I had some slight waves? Confused is what I was because I've never seen my hair do that. 

    So since then I've been on a wavy hair journey and trying to figure out what works and what doesn't? It's honestly such a BIGGG guessing game! The amount of videos I've watched and products I've tried and oh gosh DON'TT get me started on diffusing !! It's such an arm work out😩and I still don't know what I'm even doing! That there's some days where I just want to take that straightener and style my hair that way. I am currently looking for a new curl cream or honestly a whole new routine with products... not even that I have an actual routine at the moment. I currently use Garnier curl cream though yes it does work,, I've noticed it does weigh down my hair or my waves fall out the very next morning? Or that my roots go super flat?? I just recently bought the Not Your Mother's Leave In Conditioner and let me just say yeahhh was definitely the right move it has helped give me volume and more significant waves but I'm also noticing not all of my hair actually waves up?? Apparently like me my hair really has no clue on what it wants to do because what do you mean that some days it's wavy but then another it barely has any texture to it??  If any wavy or curly haired person out there has any advice or tips please let me know! 

Hair with just the curl cream & leave in!

   

-Mayrin

Some Books I've Read

And of course like every book from the poison apple series by Mimi McCoy😝

Concerts Concerts Concerts!

  Hi Angels! 

    This post is just a mini rant about the concerts I've been too! 

Hyper fixation Or New Girl Dinner Option? 💫

 

    Okieeee so I know I've said I'm a picky eater but one of the times I'm not one is when it comes to pesto! I feinnnn for anything pesto related. I always go for the OG green version but something about a tomato sun dried pesto? UHM YUM, lowkey I think me liking sun dried specifically starts with all the hospital visits / follow up appointments there was this sandwich in the hospital cafeteria that had sun dried pesto and that was just CHEF KISS💋 but it's been yearsss since I've had it. Now I don't know if I'm just not shopping in the right stores but I hardly ever see this specific pesto so when walking into sprouts and seeing this on the chef? You bet your butts I grabbed it! It did not stand a chance in this household.. I may have for the last few days been basically eating the entire jar... GUILTY so maybe it has turned into a hyper fixation lol. As someone who doesn't typically eat dinner because I always end up having a heavy lunch this definitely has made wanting to eat diner more often so first night I mixed it in with this chicken sausage ravioli from trader joes and some parmesan cheese? Yeah was such a yummy dinner. Simple but yummy. 

    Since then I have been spreading it on some sandwiches for work. You know that viral trader joes sandwich everyone is making? I either been replacing the regular pesto with this one or mixing both... You can never have too much pesto! As for dinner last night I took some elbow noodles boiled them and added the pesto with some cream cheese and cracked in some black pepper another simple and quick dinner but yummy. Something about adding cream cheese to it just made it better. It tasted creamier and was more filling definitely was needed after a stressful day. So whether it's something I'll be hyper fixating on for the next few days or a new rotation to my girl dinner when I don't feel like a cooking a huge meal... it's a 10/10 but I will be trying other brands as well so if  you any recommendations let me know!

    - Mayrin

    

A Deeper Dive

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Hi Angels,

     I think it's time I give you guys the run down on a bit more on myself... another snippet lol.

Back To Fox River

      And once againnn for the gazillions time I've found myself rewatching Prison Break so does it really count as my current fav? When it's a comfort? You would think this wouldn't be a comfort show but it most definitely is! I started watching with my sister a while back so maybe that has something to do with it? We would be glued to the TV for so long we couldn't turn our eyes away. Would literally get so upset if she watched ahead without me lol. Love every season but something about season 1 is just soooo captivating. The tension? Michaels tattoos? UGHH you guys have no idea how afraid I always am when Veronica is getting so close to figuring things out!! Literal pure anxiety... no wonder mine is always high LOL. At this point it's background noise but as soon as I hear Michael saying there's a new problem or someone else is now tagging along... you bet I'm sat! Like hello can't he catch a break? All he wants to do is get his brother out😩.  The love that begins with Sara and Michael? The slow burn? ARGH but also him using her to succeed at the escape plan but falling for her and her actually helping him in the end?? ANDDD also falling for him?? At times I wish I had Michael's IQ would definitely come in handy during math... How about you angels any comfort or new shows started? 

  On Repeat;

• Prison break
• 
  Junk Journaling before bed 
• Niki Rubio's single; Sunday Girl 
  

 

- Mayrin 

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01 *not a lactose friendly meal angels*

Learn About Me!

Makeup I'm Loving

Minor Update

Hey Angels! Trying something new with the purple textbox how do we like it? Not much has really happened the last few days just work work work😩 Can't complain though definitely need the money lol.. also need to learn to save.. so if anyone has any tips on that ermmm pleaseeee drop down some tips!!🥴 Still getting the hang of blogging I'm not too sure as to what exactly I'll be writing about just yet as well as navigating on what I should add and how to add more under different tabs so if you guys know how to do that please let me know via comments or the inbox! Oh I did watch the new spiderman movie a few days ago!! It was such a good movie. I may have cried on a few scenes but loved it regardless can't wait to see what happens next. Now angels don't tear me apart but I'm not hugest marvel fan well I'm not tooo entirely into these movies but definitely want to be! I've kept up with some movies but still lost when new characters are mentioned or talked about amongst my friends feeling like a chicken without its head lol. So if any of you guys are marvel fans drop some lore or drop down some movies I should watch! Stay hydrated as always ! 

- Mayrin